December 03, 2025

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BG’s Positively Speaking

An Old Story Retold

Over the years, there have been several versions of the story I am about to relate; recently, I heard one that was new to me. The story has lessons about life that we can all heed.

The Monkey’s Fist:  The merchants in the markets of Marrakesh had a problem with a monkey who would steal shiny objects from their stalls. The monkey then scampered away and hid the items in a place that, try as they may, the merchants were unable to discover. Every attempt to capture the monkey failed. Then one of the merchants thought of an ancient way to trap monkeys; he drilled a hole in a coconut, just big enough for the monkey’s unclenched fist. Fastening a piece of heavy string around the coconut, the merchant secured the other end around the leg of his stall, then he waited. When the monkey showed up, the merchant caught its attention and “accidentally” dropped a shiny object into the coconut. Waiting for just the right moment, the monkey made a dash to the coconut, stuck its hand inside and closed its fist around the object. As the merchant approached, the monkey struggled to get his fist out of the coconut, but couldn’t. Then, suddenly, the string around the coconut slipped off, and the monkey escaped. A couple of weeks later, the monkey was found, dead, with its hand still inside the coconut. In death, it had unclasped its fist, and the hand could now freely exit the coconut shell, revealing the shiny object inside… The monkey, unable to forage for food with only one hand, had died because he wouldn’t let go of a cheap glass bead.

Just like the monkey, we tend to close our fist to avoid losing what we already have, even though we could have something better, IF WE WOULD JUST LET GO! Allowing us to ….

Take hold of the Better things that life offers

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Named In Honour

Peekaboo Sweet came into a lot of money because of her lottery win. Rather than spend it on herself, she showed a lot of character by donating it to a local hospital. The primary facility the hospital needed was a retrofit of the Intensive Care Unit, so, in her honour, the hospital board will name the new unit “Peekaboo, I.C.U.”

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The HEMO-ROLL

Do you want to impress your visiting lady-friend? How about a fresh roll of Hemo-Roll in your bathroom? It’s toilet paper made by a Slovakian named Tento and marketed to people who have occasional bouts of hemorrhoids. This three-ply toilet paper is coated on one side with “a layer of an extract from oak bark, marigold and common yarrow. It offers an easeful effect on the rectum”. Smear on the affected area while wiping, and hopefully, you can forget about the Preparation H.

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Dumb Criminals

When someone called 911, then hung up, the police went to that location to see if there was a problem. It turns out that it was a motel where two drug dealers were staying in different rooms. One tried to call the other in room 119, but dialled 911 by mistake.

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Editors Quote Book

 “Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.”

—Babe Ruth

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Job Postings That Actually Ran

• Now Hiring. Cemetery Superintendent: The ideal candidate must be able to supervise in a fast-paced environment.
• Waitress Wanted: Must be 18 years old with 20 years of experience.
• Wanted: Scuba Diving Instructor. No experience required.
• Recruitment Co-ordinator:  You will assist in the day-to-day running of the team.
• Cab Drivers Wanted: Must have good driving and a clean criminal record.
• Our Lady of Fatima is in Need Of A:   PT 2 yr. Old Teacher.

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Trivia Quiz

(Click Question For Answer)

 

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Quality Family Time

 

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Your Horoscope

For Amusement Only

Aries March 21 – April 19:  Examine the motives of others before making any changes. You will most likely find your ideas are right on.

Taurus April 20 – May 20:   A romantic partner will present you with a new strategy. Be prepared to defend your position with conviction.

Gemini May 21 – June 20: Be open and upfront with everyone. You can drop the facade. Honesty is the best policy, especially to yourself.

Cancer June 21 – July 22:   Are you ready for the opportunity that’s about to knock on your door? Your life could change almost overnight.

Leo July 23 – August 22:    A stubborn relative makes you back down, just enough to start serious negotiations. Be firm but fair when settling your differences.

Virgo August 23 – September 22:      Take care when offering advice. Someone could misunderstand and create an even bigger problem that will need to be solved.

Libra, September 23 – October 22:  You will attract a potential lover. Be sure that they are unattached. Communication with a loved one could be strained.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21:   Your engaging smile goes a long way to getting what you want. But you’ll still have to ask for it.

Sagittarius, November 22 – December 21:    Don’t take chances with your health. Take heed of the signs that you need to see a health professional.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19:   It’s your turn to pay back some past favours. Show your appreciation and offer assistance without being asked.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18:   If you open yourself up to someone who needs you, you may find that you need them too.

Pisces February 19 – March 20:   Your time would be well spent helping out at a local charity. Good things are waiting for you.

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Punctuation Is Everything

An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing” on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

All the females in the class wrote: A woman: ‘without her, man is nothing.”

It all depends on where you put your commas.

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Blowing In The Wind

Mustafa Danger, yes, that is the name he goes by, is a high-wire motorcyclist. A professional daredevil who was about to try to set a world record for the highest high-wire ride. The attempt was to be made in Benidorm, Spain. It would be 1640 feet long and 590 feet in the air, with no safety net. On the day of his ride, he was approaching the 1100-foot mark when the wind started blowing, making it dangerous to move in either direction, so he had to be towed to safety. He had, literally, been “Blowing In The Wind”.The following day, he tried again, and this time he was successful.

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Let Me Help You With That

Walking down the street, a man passes a house and notices a child trying to reach the doorbell. No matter how much the little guy stretches, he can’t make it. The man calls out, “Let me get that for you,” and he bounds onto the porch to ring the bell. “Thanks, mister,” says the kid. “Now let’s run.”

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A Postcard Farewell

When Jim Wilson’s father died in Natal, South Africa, in April 1967, both Jim, living in England, and his sister Muriel, living in Holland, were informed. Muriel contacted her husband, who was on business in Portugal, and he flew to South Africa right away. Changing planes at Las Palmas airport in the Canary Islands, he bought a postcard showing holidaymakers on Margate Beach, Natal, and sent it to Muriel. It was she who noticed that the photograph showed her father walking up the beach.

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Three people were visiting the Grand Canyon: an artist, a pastor and a cowboy. As they stood on the edge of that massive abyss, each one responded with a cry of exclamation. The artist said, “Ah, what a beautiful scene to paint!” The minister cried, “What a wonderful example of the handiwork of God!” The cowboy mused, “What a terrible place to lose a cow!”

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What’s In A Name?

Ransom Eli Olds built a three-wheeled carriage in 1887 and a petrol (gasoline) car in 1896. In 1899, he founded the Olds Motor Works, producing the first Oldsmobile in 1901. Although he didn’t invent the motorcar, he is still known as the “Father of the Automobile.” His heavy-duty flatbed truck, called “The Speedwagon”, first produced in 1915, was considered a milestone in transportation history. It was from this truck that the American rock band REO Speedwagon chose their name. REO is the name of Ransom Eli Olds.

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The Last Word

You may not know EVERYTHING,
but… You can learn ANYTHING…
if you want to.

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