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Almaguin March 29, 2023

March 29, 2023

Editors Quote Book

“Service to others is the rent you pay for being here on Earth.”

— Muhammed Ali

Remember This?

“Choosey cheese choosers always say ‘Cheese please’ when they choose the cheese on the cheeseburgers at McDonald’s.” – from a radio ad circa 1980.

These great Q’s and A’s are from the days when “Hollywood Squares” game show responses were spontaneous and clever and destined to become a part of TV history! Peter Marshall, the host, would ask celebrity guests questions and contestants had to guess if their answers were true or false.
Q: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A: Charley Weaver: 3 days of steady drinking should do it.
Q: True or False: A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes!
Q: You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A: Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake!
Q: Which of your 5 senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q: Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q: If you were pregnant for 2 years, what would you give birth to?
A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it was, it wouldn’t be afraid of the dark.
Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss 2 things at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant??
Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it’s sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

An Early Spring Pondering

I just watched my dog chase his tail for 5 minutes and I thought, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized, I was just watching my dog chase it’s tail for 5 minutes.

Trivia Quiz

(Click Question For Answer)

1. When did the Blue Jays last win the World Series?
2. What is a femur?
A thigh bone
3. Where is the hippocampus located?
The brain
4. What is the largest organ in the human body?
The skin
5. Who cut off Vincent Van Gogh’s ear?
He did!
6. What did Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs do for a living?
They were miners.
7. What are the first 3 words in the Bible?
‘In the beginning …’.
8. Who invented 'Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk'?
Dancer/actor Ray Bolger

Your Horoscope

For Amusement Only

Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: Don’t bury old feelings. Neutralize them by addressing them, forgiving if necessary to free yourself, and move on feeling less burdoned.

Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: April is about renewal, reorganization and even rebirth for some. Reassess what still matters and discard the rest.

Gemini May 21 – June 20: Prepare yourself for a blindside. It’s not necessarily bad if you look at the big picture with an open mind. It may even be fortuitous!

Cancer June 21 – July 22: There’s something going on that needs closer attention. Ask around for clues. Get confirmation before acting. Take a more positive approach.

Leo July 23 – Aug. 22: Travel is definitely in the cards if you play them right. Take care of all the preliminaries now so that you’re prepared when someone “surprises” you.

Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22: Any day now you won’t have to wait any longer. That will be a relief to you. A little gratitude would not go amiss either!

Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 22: How is it you keep landing on your feet, Libra? Your luck still hasn’t run out, so enjoy it while it lasts. However, nothing lasts forever, does it?

Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Are you aware of how much you’re appreciated and thought highly of these days? Enjoy it, and don’t change the way you function – yet.

Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: There are only so many ways to effectively deal with a problem. Try to do what’s best for ALL concerned, and then keep your head down.

Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: Worry less and prepare more for your own peace of mind. Remember, 80% of our worries never materialize. Feel better?

Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: Rejoice, Aquarian – the spring vibe is re-energizing! Plan, create, explore and share the joy, for this is the only Spring/23 we’ll ever have!

Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: Being the butt of others’ jokes is fine so long as they’re infused with love. Without the love, they are put-downs. Are you the butt or joker?

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Flour – The Miracle Healer!

If you ever burn yourself, like a grease burn on your hand, in the first 15 minutes, stick your hand in a bag of flour! Hold it there for 10 minutes, then remove it. You won’t have a single red mark or blister, and you’ll feel no pain! Better still, keep a bag of flour in the fridge; the coolness feels even better. Apparently, the flour possesses heat-absorbing properties. I’ve heard from Europeans that this remedy not only works like a charm, but has been used for generations – or even longer!

Senior Management

A couple in their 90’s are both having trouble remembering things. Their doctor advised them to start writing things down. One night, while watching TV, the old man got up. “Want anything from the kitchen?”, he asked his wife. “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”, she asks. “OK.” “Don’t you think you should write it down so you’ll remember?”, she asks. “No, I can remember it.” “Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too – oh, and some whipped cream on top too. Maybe you should write it down.” He replies, “I can remember that: a bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream on top.” “Maybe you should write it down anyway”, she says. “Oh, for the love of …”, he replies irritated. “I got it! Then he toddles into the kitchen. About 20 minutes later, he returns and hands his wife a plate of eggs and bacon. She stares at the plate for a moment. Where’s my toast?”
How I spend my waking day: 50% of it working, 10% eating, and 40% looking for something I just had in my hand a minute ago!

“Bounce”-ing To An Easier Life

  • Put a Bounce dryer sheet in your belt loop to repel wasps, mosquitoes, ants, etc. [It works! – Ed.]
  • Place Bounce sheets around your foundation, trailer, or car to keep mice out.
  • Because they eliminate static, you can clean your TV and computer screens with one.
  • Dissolve soap scum from shower doors with a sheet.
  • Suitcases – Place inside to repel mites and bedbugs, especially when in motel rooms.
  • Motel rooms – Run Bounce sheets over the bed sheets to rid them of bedbugs.

Who’s Watching Who?

The Last Word

Aging gracefully is the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse!

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