Midland Penetanguishene February 15, 202322 February 2023
Midland Penetanguishene March 1, 20238 March 2023
February 22, 2023
OOOPS… Somebody Goofed
Editors Quote Book
““The times make the man.”
— From “Foundation and Empire” by Isaac Azimov
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Idiot #1: What’s red and goes ding dong.
Idiot #2: I don’t know, what?
Idiot #1: A red ding dong. What’s blue and goes ding dong?
Idiot #2: A blue ding dong?
Idiot #1: Nope. They only come in red.
Speaking of Sillies …
Actual Country Music Song Titles
- I’ve Been Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart”
- “I’ve Got the Hungries for Your Love and I’m Waiting in Your Welfare Line”
- “You stuck My Heart In an Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log”
- “Every Time I Itch, I Wind Up Scratching You.”
Every year, Korey takes a week during the summer to relax at his friend’s cottage in Muskoka. One night after he’s just arrived, he’s sitting in the cottage when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and doesn’t see anything … until he looks down. On the wooden porch he sees a small snail. Annoyed, he picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, Korey is back in the cottage for a rest. There’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees nothing, then remembers. He looks down – and there’s the snail!
The snail says: “What the #!@% was that all about?
Looking For A Job
- If an employee of Google dies, their spouse will receive:
- Half their pay for 10 years,
- Stock benefits, and …
- Children will receive $1000/month until they turn 19!
So, to all currently married Google employees… better sleep with one eye open!!
(Click Question For Answer)
For Amusement Only
Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: Looking for a change, but can’t figure out what you want to do? What excited you as a child? What pasttime holds the key to a new direction?
Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: Sometimes we place expectations on another knowing they really can’t live up to them. Could you?? Go easy on them … and yourself!
Gemini May 21 – June 20: Once upon a time there was the old you. You’ve come a long way, Baby. Be proud of yourself and take the next step.
Cancer June 21 – July 22: Being all alone can be frightening, but sometimes that’s exactly what we need to refresh and recharge, and then rejoin the world.
Leo July 23 – Aug. 22: Go through your closets and garage, and rediscover that which has been forgotten. Therein lies the key to a new direction!
Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22: Is freedom just another word for nothing left to lose? Not for you. There’s much to lose if you’re not careful in the weeks to come.
Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 22: Carrying a torch of any kind can hold us back. Let it be over and free yourself up for the better things that are coming your way.
Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: By the time you read this, that “special something” will already be on its way to you. Be open-minded and accepting of it.
Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: Oysters and clams live in shells, but you don’t have to, nor should you. Take a chance, but start with little steps. It’s safe.
Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: Leave the things you don’t need, including bad memories, right here, and carry on unburdoned by them. Free at last! So begins your new life!
Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: Go it alone. Really, you know better than anyone what’s right for you. Keep to your original plan and leave the others behind.
Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: Take a few moments to reassess yourself. See how far you’ve come. Rejoice in how much you’ve learned and gained in strength and wisdom!
#&%! French toast
On a Saturday morning, 3 boys come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. Their mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. “I’ll have some #&%! French toast”, he says. The mother is outraged at his crude language. She hits him and sends him upstairs. When She calms down, she asks the middle child the same thing. “Well, I guess that leaves more #&%! French toast for me,” he says. The mom is livid. She smacks him and sends him away. Finally, she looks at the youngest son and asks him what he wants for breakfast. “I don’t know,” he says meekly, “but I don’t want the #&%! French toast!”
Jeff Foxworthy says:
“You May Be From Canada If…”
- You’re shopping in a Home Depot store and someone who doesn’t work there offers you assistance.
- You’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
- You’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number.
- “Vacation” means going anywhere south of Detroit for the weekend. [Note: He was doing his show in Windsor when he said this!]
- You measure distance in hours.
- You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
- You’ve switched from “HEAT” to “AIR CONDITIONING” and back again, on the same day.
- You can drive 90 km/hr. through 2 feet of snow in a raging blizzard, without flinching.
The Last Word
Maybe money can’t buy happiness, but I think it’s only fair to give me some and let me learn that lesson myself!!