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Midland Penetanguishene February 8, 2023
15 February 2023
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Midland Penetanguishene February 8, 2023
15 February 2023
Midland Penetanguishene February 22, 2023
28 February 2023

Midland Penetanguishene February 15, 2023

February 15, 2023

Editors Quote Book

“At the end of the day, people won’t remember what you said or did.
They will remember how you made them feel.”

— Maya Angelou

Zoomer Humour

  • As a kid I used to watch “the Wizard of Oz” and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got Facebook.
  • You know you’re a bad driver when Siri says “In 400 feet, stop and let me out.
  • Without freedom of speech, we would not know who the idiots are.
  • Men don’t have babies because God saw the way they handle a cold and knew the species would never survive.

Idiot #1 says to another: “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are making out. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” Idiot #2 responds: “Well the jokes on them stupid peeping toms because I wasn’t even home yesterday!”

Old Nautical Terms Used Today

“Press on”: Meaning – Push ahead at top speed, regardless of comfort.
Derivation: At sea a captain would order as much canvas [sails] as possible to complete a voyage A.S.A.P. The ship would be said to be “under press of sail”, its bow pushed into the waves, resulting in a wet trip.

“Lose your bearings”: Meaning – Not know where you are.
Derivation: Before modern navigational capabilities arrived, a ship’s position when in sight of land was determined by the intersection of the compass bearings of 2 land objects seen ashore. If just one of these objects was obscured, the position of the ship would be unknown.

The Confession

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. “Father O’Malley”, he says, my name is Emil Cohen. I’m 78 years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. In my entire life I’ve never felt better!”

“My good man,” says the priest, “I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling ME?”

And the guy goes, “I’m telling EVERYBODY!”

Trivia Quiz

(Click Question For Answer)

1. What actor won 2 Tony awards and the Oscar for 'Best Actor' in 'The King and I'?
Yul Brynner
2. What San Francisco neighbourhood is known as the birthplace of the ‘60’s counterculture movement?
Haight Ashbury
3. In 1978, what name was chosen by the first non-Italian pope in 455 years?
Pope John Paul II
4. Finish President Reagan’s phrase: 'Mr. Gorbachev _____________________.'
‘Tear down this wall!’
5. What was the name of Andy’s destructive neighbour in 'Toy Story'?
6. If someone spit while they were talking, they might have been told to 'Say it, __________!'
‘Don’t spray it!’
7. The 2014 Winter Olympics were held in what Russian city?
8. Immediately after, what did Russia do?
Invaded Ukraine’s Crimean Peninsula

Your Horoscope

For Amusement Only

Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: Clean up what you need to and prepare for the next chapter. Try not to be swept off your feet!

Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: Health concerns rise to the forefront. Seek help/advice. Put yourself first for a while. Others will understand.

Gemini May 21 – June 20: The problem with procrastination is that life slips by too fast, and experiences that you need, do also.

Cancer June 21 – July 22: There’s always tomorrow if you can’t get everything done today. Prioritize and stick to the plan.

Leo July 23 – Aug. 22: Catch the wave and don’t be left behind in your area of interest. Progress is escalating fast!

Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22: Remember a time when you felt down and out? How did you escape it? Use the same tools to prevent it this time.

Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 22: Borrowing from your future is not as wise as you may think. Seek professional help and their wisdom!

Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: You keep going over what went wrong. Sometimes nothing did! It just ran its course. Accept it and learn from it.

Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: Whenever you feel yourself sinking into the muck of worry and guilt, seek help from a positive influence.

Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: Stick a pin in that new idea of yours. There’s another step you need to take first. Be patient.

Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: Try to realize that there’s always a way. Visualize the end result and backtrack each step taken to get there.

Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: Tomorrow rarely arrives exactly the way we might want it to, but there’s much good in what is coming for you!

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Men and Women

  • Fun fact: Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men actually spend thinking!
  • Men are like fine wine … They start out as grapes and it’s up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
  • How can a person who can hit a deer at 250 metres keep missing the toilet??
  • It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. She’s been leaving jewellery catalogues all over the house, so I’ve bought her a magazine rack … har, har!
  • I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

The Tourtière Debate

What is a TRADITIONAL tourtière made from … Beef? Pork? Beef and pork? Beef, pork and veal?
Tourtière can be traced back to the 1600’s when Québécois settlers would hunt and eat tourtes, a pigeon-like bird plentiful in numbers along the St. Lawrence River valley. They would bake it in a pie crust and named it “tourtière”. Eventually they hunted the bird into extinction, thereby rendering the ORIGINAL tourtière recipe extinct too!

So, the whole debate over whether the TRADITIONAL tourtière is made with beef and/or pork and/or veal is rather moot. The answer is … none of the above. It was basically, originally, TRADITIONALLY nothing more than a pigeon pie!

The Last Word

Having a teenage daughter is like having a cat that only comes out to eat and hisses when you try to be nice to it.

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