Newmarket January 25, 202331 January 2023
Newmarket February 8, 202315 February 2023
February 1, 2023
This Valentine’s Day, Impress her
with something expensive…
Editors Quote Book
“Divorce is nature’s way of telling you that you’re making too much money!”
— Johnny Carson, after his first divorce.
“Divorce is a suit that takes YOU to the cleaners!”
— Johnny Carson, after his second divorce.
Old Nautical Phrases Still Used Today
“Taken aback” … meaning: Jolted by unpleasant news at a momentary loss.
Origin: A sudden shift in the wind or unexpected squall hitting the ship from a different direction could cause the sails to be blown back against the masts, resulting in damage bad enough to render the ship helpless.
“The coast is clear” … meaning: All is well, proceed unhindered.
Origin: During the days of smuggling contraband from France to England, a boy would ride a white horse, visible at night, along the top of the cliffs to signal no Revenue Men were around.
“A square meal” … meaning: A substantial meal.
Origin: Sailors ate their meals off square wooden plates with a raised edge called a fiddle. If a sailor overfilled his plate, he was said to be “on the fiddle” and could be punished.
I asked the young checkout guy if these were front or back legs.
He didn’t know and said I’ll go ask. When he came back he said. “Not funny.”
Regarding Exercising …
- It’s never too late to start exercising. That’s why I’m waiting until later.
- I’m afraid if I start exercising, I’ll be too sexy!
- If you ever see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me!
- I exercised once, but found out I was allergic to it! My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous!
(Click Question For Answer)
For Amusement Only
Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: Compare and contrast the pros and cons of that decision coming. Ask for help if needed.
Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: Everyone needs a special friend to lean on sometimes. Be that friend, Taurean, as you’re leaning on another.
Gemini May 21 – June 20: A loved one is going to need your love and guidance. Be prepared and there for them.
Cancer June 21 – July 22: Wearing your heart on your sleeve may reveal more than is prudent. Calm down and let nature take it’s course.
Leo July 23 – Aug. 22: Keep your eyes open for a great opportunity, Leo. It may not be what you’re looking for, but could be better.
Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22: It takes a village to raise a child, Virgo, but you – alone – are not a village. Seek help with a loved one!
Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 22: Good things are coming! Be calm. Be patient, and then go into it with your eyes open!
Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Already you’re beginning to see cracks in their armour. Don’t let others be fooled.
Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: Some say reality is an acquired taste. You appear to need more of it in your life. Come back down to earth.
Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: Once a leprecaun, always a leprechaun! Try to tone down the hilarity, and get more serious about things.
Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: Don’t get caught up in the minutiae of a situation, though tempting. See the big picture and its meaning.
Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: Can’t see the forest for the trees? Try to, especially in the week ahead. Seek help from a friend if necessary.
Did You Know?
They Walk Among Us …
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? ‘To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? ‘He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’
The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an ‘intellectually challenged’ coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving? ‘She is a government employee
When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already did that side.’
1998: “Don’t get in a car with strangers.”
2008: “Don’t meet people from the internet alone.”
2023: “UBER … Order yourself a stranger from the internet to get into a car with – alone!
The Last Word
Practical advice: If all the toilets in your house are occupied and you are waiting for one to be free, switch off the WiFi!