Newmarket January 11, 202318 January 2023
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January 11, 2023
Editors Quote Book
“What we regret most are the chances we never took.”
— Frasier Crane
- When people see a cat’s litter box, they always ask, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I’d like to say, “No, it’s for company!”
- Did you ever notice that when you put the letters “THE” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs”?
- The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s REALLY in trouble.
- The easiest way to find something around the house is to buy a replacement.
- Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of emergency. I think we should be able to write, “An ambulance!”
The Dead Horse
A young man named David bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to David’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”
David replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.”
The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
David said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.”
The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”
David said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”
The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!”
David said, “Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
A month Later, the farmer met up with David and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?”
David said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2245.”
The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
David said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.”
David is soon moving into the White House.
Men and Women
Wife to husband: “Do I look fat?” Husband to wife: “Do I look crazy??”
I had a really bad day … First, my Ex got run over by a bus.
Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver!
(Click Question For Answer)
For Amusement Only
Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: How many times have you thought …Not my way, thy way? It’s time you had it your way!
Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: We don’t always get what we want, but we always get what we need. Try to figure out WHY you need this!
Gemini May 21 – June 20: Picture the new you in a new year. It’s all very doable and, if you want it to be, you only have to want it enough.
Cancer June 21 – July 22: Can you remember a time when everything just semed to be perfect in your life? It’s about to happen again!
Leo July 23 – Aug. 22: Looking for a new relationship? It’s coming. Looking for happiness? It’s coming too!
Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22: Ordering others around is not the way to keep a household or relationship a happy one. Bend … and listen!
Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 22: Run, don’t walk, to your pharmacist for your problem. Waiting for a doctor’s appointment may take too long.
Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: You can be the LIght others need right now, but be humble, subtle and expect no rewards for your love.
Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: Can you believe that the change you’ve been hoping for is just around the corner? Believe it!
Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: All the world’s a stage in your world, but not in everyone’s. Seek honesty by being honest – and caring.
Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: There are many ways to restore your health to what it was, but you have to work at it. Pick one to start.
Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: Don’t let the pressures placed on you beat you down. Keep your head down, determination up, and push forward.
Did You Know?
- • You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks!
- Or when your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
- Eventually you will reach a point when you will stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!
- Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
- Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!
- Did you ever notice that the Roman Numeral for forty  is XL?
Men and Women
- Men say women should come with instructions … What’s the point of that? Have you ever seen a man actually read the instructions??
- My wife sent me a text: “Your great.” So, naturally, I wrote back, “No, you’re great.” She’s been walking around all happy and smiling. Should I tell her I was just correcting her grammar, or leave it?
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me!
- Behind every husband who thinks he wears the pants is a wife who tells him which pants to wear.
- Home computers are the perfect things for women who don’t feel that men provide them with enough frustration!!
The Last Word
May you always have love to share, cash to spare, and friends who care!