Newmarket February 22, 202328 February 2023
Newmarket March 8, 202315 March 2023
March 1, 2023
Parking Lot In Front Of The Laser Eye Surgery Centre.
Editors Quote Book
“The future ain’t what it used to be.”
— Yogi Berra [Neither is the past! – Ed.]
Why Teachers Drink
He asked for help putting on his winter boots. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots didn’t want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.” She looked and, sure enough, they were. Unfortunately, it wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off.
She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. The boy said, “These aren’t my boots.” She managed to avoid screaming in the boy’s face, “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO??” like she wanted to.
Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off when he said, “They’re my brother’s boots, but my mom made me wear ‘em today.”
Now, she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet – again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, “Now, where are your mittens?”
He said, “I stuffed ‘em into the toes of my boots.”
You May Be From Canada If…
- You install security lights on your house & garage, but leave both unlocked.
- You carry jumper cables in your car, and your wife knows how to use them.
- You design your child’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The speed limit on the highway is 100 kph, and you’re doing 120 … and everyone’s passing you.
- Driving is better in the winter because all the potholes are filled with snow.
- You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Road Construction.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than on your car.
- You think of -2 C. as being “a bit chilly”.Off a Log”
When Parents Started to Crack During Lockdown
(Click Question For Answer)
For Amusement Only
Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: Consider a new tact in your attempts to get there. Be flexible and open-minded. If you’re afraid, start with baby steps until you’re more comfortable.
Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: It takes more than just moxie to reach our goals. It takes know-how, planning, and a willingness to listen to wisdom when it comes our way. Try not to judge.
Gemini May 21 – June 20: All is not well in the health and fitness area of your life, but it’s not too late to do something about it. Continue to strive to seek solutions. It’s doable!
Cancer June 21 – July 22: Ever wonder how some people get ahead when others [you?] don’t as much? There’s good in you. Let it out of its box!
Leo July 23 – Aug. 22: If you want to feel better, start a “TO DO” list and write down the things you MOST want to put off doing right down to the least. Then start at #1 and do it!
Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22: Operating on the notion that all is well, and will be well will get you out, and keep you out, of the doldrums, but it takes practice.
Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 22: Open your mind to the possibility you’re not seeing everything as clearly as you could. Seek advice from someone who’s been there. Don’t be afraid.
Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Put the brakes on your spending! You’re not thinking things through. Put off until the next month [or 2] when you can see the big picture better.
Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: Be careful this month with finances. Don’t spend on impulse. Prioritize, plan and stick to it to avoid unpleasant results.
Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: Carrying a torch will never end until you decide to do something about it. Get over it – one way or another – and set yourself free!
Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: Bury the hatchet [but not in someone’s skull] if you want to avoid being a slave to grudges and resentment. Forgive and free yourself!
Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: Be the only one, maybe, in your life to go slow, very slow, in matters close to your heart. It’s easier to get into than out of.
Did You Know These Things Had Names?
- The space between your eyebrows is called a glabella.
- The way it smells after a rain is called petrichor.
- The plastic coating at the end of your shoelace is called an aglet.
- The rumbling of your stomach is called a wamble.
- The cry of a newborn baby is called a vagitus.
- The lights you see when you close your eyes and press your hands on them are called phosphenes.
- The tiny plastic table placed in the centre of a pizza box is called a box tent.
- The day after tomorrow is called overmorrow.
- Your tiny toe or finger is called a minimus.
- When you combine an exclamation mark with a question mark [like this ! ?] it is called an interrobang.
- The armhole in clothes where the sleeves are sown is called the armscye.
- The condition when we don’t want to get out of bed is called dysania.
- The dot over an “i” or “j” is called a tittle.
- That sick feeling we get when we’ve eaten too much is called crapulence.
Apparently, this is a true story … a man, completely beside himself with grief and sorrow, hoped to win back his girlfriend by mailing her love letter after love letter. She never responded to any of them. Undeterred, he continued to write to her. Over the course of 2 years, he had mailed her over 800 letters with no response from her. Finally, he received a letter from her … announcing her engagement … to the mailman!!
The Walk Among Us!
The Last Word
It’s like my mother used to say: “Cheer up; things could be worse.”
So I cheered up, and things got worse.