September 30, 2026


On The Upside with Marley

You Don’t Have To Be Good At Everything

There seems to be an odd expectation that adults should already know how to do almost everything.

We should understand technology, cook properly, fix things around the house, manage money, remember everyone’s birthday, navigate unfamiliar places and somehow know exactly what we’re doing every time something new comes along.

That’s a pretty unreasonable standard.

The truth is, every person you know is good at some things and absolutely hopeless at others.

And that’s perfectly fine.

One of the most freeing things we can learn is that we don’t have to be talented at everything we try.

You can enjoy gardening without having the best garden on the street. You can play guitar badly and still love playing it. You can bake a cake that leans slightly to the left and still be proud of it.

Not everything needs to become a competition.

Sometimes we avoid trying something simply because we’re afraid we’ll look foolish while learning. But looking foolish is often part of learning.

Every expert was once the person asking basic questions.

Every confident driver once stalled a car. Every great cook burned something. Every musician played wrong notes.

Competence usually arrives after a period of being wonderfully incompetent.

There’s also no shame in saying, “I don’t know how to do that.”

Those words don’t make us less capable. They give us the opportunity to learn—or to ask someone who already knows.

Life becomes much easier when we stop expecting ourselves to have every answer.

You don’t have to be good at everything. You only have to be willing to keep learning.


How Canada Got Its Name

The name “Canada” has a surprisingly simple beginning.

In 1535, French explorer Jacques Cartier was travelling along the St. Lawrence River when Indigenous people directed him toward the settlement of Stadacona, near present-day Quebec City.

They used a word from the St. Lawrence Iroquoian language: kanata, meaning village or settlement.

Cartier apparently interpreted the word more broadly and began using “Canada” to describe not only the settlement but the surrounding region.

By the mid-1500s, European maps were already using the name Canada for much of the area along the St. Lawrence.

Over the next three centuries the name continued to expand geographically until it eventually became the name of the country created by Confederation in 1867.

So one of the largest countries in the world ultimately received its name from a word meaning something as simple as “village.”

History has a sense of humour sometimes.


Why Does Popcorn Pop?

Popcorn is one of those foods that seems almost magical until you learn what’s happening inside the kernel.

Every popcorn kernel contains a small amount of water trapped inside a hard outer shell.

When the kernel is heated, that water turns into steam.

Because the shell is strong, the steam can’t immediately escape. Pressure builds inside the kernel while the starch becomes soft and gelatinous.

Eventually the pressure becomes too much for the shell to contain.

Pop!

The shell bursts open, the hot starch rapidly expands and cools, creating the familiar white fluffy shape.

Not every variety of corn can do this. Popcorn has just the right combination of moisture and a strong hull to build enough internal pressure.

And what about those stubborn kernels left at the bottom of the bowl?

Often they either didn’t contain enough moisture or had tiny cracks that allowed steam to escape before enough pressure could build.

Even popcorn occasionally refuses to cooperate.


The Monastery Rope

A traveller visiting India heard about a monastery built high on a cliff.

The only way to reach it was inside a basket pulled upward by a long rope.

Halfway up, the traveller noticed that the rope looked extremely old and frayed.

Nervously, he asked the monk riding beside him:

“How often do you replace this rope?”

The monk thought for a moment.

“Whenever it breaks.”


The Frog’s Bank Loan

A frog walked into a bank and approached a teller named Patty.

“I’d like to borrow ten thousand dollars,” he said.

Patty looked surprised.

“Do you have any collateral?”

The frog placed a tiny pink porcelain elephant on the counter.

Patty took it to the bank manager.

“There’s a frog out there asking for a loan, and all he has for collateral is this little ornament. I don’t even know what it is.”

The manager examined it and said:

“It’s a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan.”


The Golfer’s Advice

A golfer stood on the tee of a difficult par-three hole with a large pond between him and the green.

He placed an old ball on the tee.

Suddenly a mysterious voice called out:

“Use a new ball.”

The golfer looked around, shrugged and replaced it with a brand-new ball.

He took a practice swing.

The voice immediately called again:

“Use the old ball.”


The White Horse

A white horse walked into a pub and ordered a drink.

The bartender poured it and smiled.

“You know, we’ve got a whisky named after you.”

The horse looked surprised.

“Really?”

He thought for a moment.

“You’ve got a whisky called Eric?”


The Smoking Cows

Two farmers were standing beside a fence talking.

One farmer looked toward the neighbour’s property and asked:

“Do your cows smoke cigarettes?”

The second farmer frowned.

“Of course not.”

The first farmer nodded toward the distance.

“Then your barn is on fire.”



Editor’s Quote Book

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

— Wayne Gretzky


Trivia Quiz

(Click Question For Answer)

1. What is the deepest known point in the Mediterranean Sea?
Calypso Deep, in the Ionian Sea near Greece, is the Mediterranean’s deepest known point.

2. What is the capital city of Estonia?
Tallinn is Estonia’s capital and largest city, located on the Baltic Sea.

3. What is the world's largest peninsula?
The Arabian Peninsula is the largest peninsula in the world.

4. Which is Canada's oldest national park?
Banff National Park in Alberta was established in 1885 and is Canada’s oldest national park.

5. What is the capital city of Bhutan?
Thimphu is the capital and largest city of the Himalayan country of Bhutan.

6. What is the scientific study of tree rings called?
Dendrochronology studies tree rings to determine age and past environmental conditions.

7. Which sea is the only one in the world with no land boundary?
The Sargasso Sea is defined entirely by Atlantic Ocean currents rather than surrounding land.

8. What is Canada's largest national park?
Wood Buffalo National Park, spanning Alberta and the Northwest Territories, is Canada’s largest national park.

9. What is the world's largest inland body of water?
The Caspian Sea is the world’s largest enclosed inland body of water.

10. In Roman mythology, who was the goddess of the dawn?
Aurora was the Roman goddess of dawn, equivalent to the Greek goddess Eos.

 


Your Horoscope

For Amusement Only

Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: Trying something unfamiliar brings confidence. Give yourself permission to be a beginner.

Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: A practical solution appears once you stop making the problem more complicated.

Gemini May 21 – Jun. 20: Someone shares useful knowledge. Ask questions rather than pretending you already know.

Cancer Jun. 21 – Jul. 22: A familiar skill proves valuable to someone else. Share what you’ve learned generously.

Leo Jul. 23 – Aug. 22: Your confidence grows through practice. Progress matters more than immediate perfection.

Virgo Aug. 23 – Sep. 22: Let one small mistake go. It matters far less than you think.

Libra Sep. 23 – Oct. 22: Cooperation makes a difficult task easier. Accept help when it’s genuinely offered.

Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Curiosity leads to useful information. Follow the question that keeps returning.

Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: Learning something new brings unexpected enjoyment. Beginner status suits you surprisingly well.

Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: Experience helps, but flexibility helps more. Be willing to adjust your usual approach.

Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: An unconventional method works better than expected. Trust experimentation over habit.

Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: Stop comparing your progress with someone else’s. Your pace is perfectly acceptable.



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The Chicken Coop

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.


The Magic Tractor

Why is a tractor magical?

Because it can drive down a road and turn into a field.


Fish And Chips

A man walked into a chip shop and said:

“Fish and chips twice, please.”

The person behind the counter replied:

“I heard you the first time.”


The Doctor’s Waiting Room

A doctor suddenly shouted:

“Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!”

A worried patient asked the nurse what was happening.

She smiled.

“The doctor likes to call the shots.”


The Caterpillars

Two caterpillars watched a butterfly fly overhead.

One turned to the other and said:

“You’ll never get me up in one of those things.”


Marley’s Video Pick

How Did Canada Get Its Name?

We use the word Canada every day without giving much thought to where it came from. This short video from Name Explain looks at the Indigenous word that eventually became the name of an enormous country, following its journey from Jacques Cartier’s explorations along the St. Lawrence to the Canada we know today.


The Last Word

“Being a beginner isn’t evidence that you’re bad at something. It’s evidence that you started.”


13 Comments

  1. David John Lowe says:

    I have been reading Brian’s paper since its inception over twenty years ago. Brian seems to have a sense of right, of common sense and great values. His compilations of philosophy, humour and brain teasers makes the delivery of the Perkolator one of the best pieces of email that I receive every week. My wife and I always sit back and do the quiz together. With permission, I have copied many of Brian’s articles into my National Newsletters which reach thousands of members across Canada. Brian, thank you. May you live safely and happily for many more years to come

  2. Sharon Baker says:

    I really enjoy receiving the Orillia edition in my inbox each month. ?

    • Brian Garvey says:

      Hi Sharon, We take great pleasure in sending you a new edition every week, and then we have the pleasure of having you approve of it.
      BG.

  3. Lynn Lehman says:

    What a way to start 2025 Brian! The jokes were hilarious, the quiz was challenging, and the music video an exquisite compiliation of conductor expertise. You can be sure I’ll be coming back to this week’s edition all month long!

    • Brian Garvey says:

      Thank you, Lynn; your comments will spur us to provide you and all our readers with content to start each week with a similar response. By the way, did you know that you can read two years of back issues. Go to the home page, scroll down to Perkolator archives and read all our back issues. BG

  4. David Erkale says:

    Every week, whenever I see this in my email, it brings me joy to see the jokes and the frequent inspiration, so I thank the Perkolator for perking up my inbox. Now I have something to look forward to every 7 days.

  5. Lynn Lehman says:

    Every now and then, when a particular written word moves me, I take a snapshot of it and tuck it away in my ‘Lessons Learned’ file. This edition of ‘BG’s Positively Speaking’ titled “I Can Hear You” is one of them. Thanks for your continuing words of wisdom. Always much appreciated!

  6. Lynn Lehman says:

    Who said…”It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit?” President Harry Truman.

  7. Lynn says:

    My grandmother had a similar saying: .”More haste, more waste”.

  8. Darlene says:

    I hadn’t seen a copy of the Perkolotar for sometime. I was thrilled to find one at the Orillia Bakery. I immediately signed up for the online delivery. I enjoy this little paper so much. I’m very glad I am able to get it.

  9. Linda says:

    Love this online version. Find it much easier to read than the printed copy. Great job!

  10. M. Robertson says:

    I am so happy to receive the Perkolator in my in box.
    Plus I laughed out loud after reading the Irish jokes. Will certainly share with my family when they get home today. Again thanks and keep up the good work.

    M. Robertson

  11. Elena Neij Jansson says:

    I´m so happy I can get The Perkolator to my email! I started read it when our son moved to Canada 1993 when he married a canadian girl. After that he have collected it and sent me in the mail a few times every year. It has been hard to find the last year. Yes, I live in Sweden! Thank yoy!!!

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