Orillia March 8, 202315 March 2023
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March 15, 2023
How Many Faces Do You See?
Editors Quote Book
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
— Harvard Professor George Santayana – 1905
Most Popular Baby Names in Canada in 2022
Nautical Terms Used Today
- “Touch and Go” – Meaning: A precarious situation in which the slightest change could spell disaster.
Derivation: Sometimes a sailing vessel touched ground but then lifted off again quickly, avoiding disaster by a narrow margin.
- “Batten Down the Hatches” – Meaning: Prepare for a dangerous situation
Derivation: At sea during bad weather, they would secure the ship’s deck openings, the hatches, against any sudden inflow of water, by fastening canvas over the hatch cover with flat pieces of wood called battens.
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For Amusement Only
Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: Is the glass half full or half empty in your world? Take a closer look at your situation and how you might improve it.
Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: Though rare, it’s not unheard of for you to go off the deep end, even in a kind, generous way. Try to rein in your emotions.
Gemini May 21 – June 20: Don’t be a party to the most recent gossip. Stay quiet and in the background so that it doesn’t find a way to turn on you.
Cancer June 21 – July 22: Put on a happy face and let the world see the REAL you. You have more to gain by not being all business all the time.
Leo July 23 – Aug. 22: Putting a loved one first is just what they need right now. It will change your relationship for the better.
Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22: All the diamonds in the world won’t reward you like what’s coming your way, Virgo. Be patient and remain calm.
Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 22: Arrive to the conclusion sooner rather than later, Libra, that you’re OK … and will remain OK … in the weeks to come. Enjoy it!
Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Happy days are here [or coming] again! Don’t get carried away and do something reckless you’ll regret for a long time.
Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: Have you ever wondered how someone you admire does it? You’re about to find out, but not in the way you might think.
Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: Just when you think things couldn’t get worse – they get better! Don’t be such a gloomy gus.
Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: Roll out the barrel and celebrate! You’ve waited a long time for what’s about to arrive. It may seem small, but it’s not!
Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: Around the time that you decide what to do, someone throws a monkey wrench into the mix. Be open-minded and flexible.
Don’t Test Drive a Stun Gun!
I purchased my lovely wife a pocket taser for her birthday. When I got it home and looked at it closely, I began to wonder how its 2 little AAA batteries could generate 100,000 volts. My wonder turned to doubt, and I decided to try it out for myself. After all, if my wife was ever mugged, I want to be sure it worked as advertised. My plan was to give myself a 1 second zap, and no more. The cat was on my lap and I didn’t want to disturb her too much as I sat there in my shorts and T-shirt. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh and pressed the button.
OH MY – OH MY – OH MY !!!!!!!
I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in, picked me up and body-slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I recall waking up on my side in the fetal position with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, the family “jewels” of my nether regions nowhere to be found and tingling in my legs! The cat was clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace.
A word of caution here: There is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go until it is dislodged from your hand by a thrashing about on the floor!
A minute or so later [I THINK – maybe longer] I collected my wits [what little that were left], sat up and looked around. The recliner was upside down about 3 metres away from its original position, and my right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain and my bottom lip weighed 88 pounds. I had no control over the drooling, and I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for the “jewels” [I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return] and I lost my sense of smell.
My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!
Men: If you’re in the doghouse and want out, share this story with your wife. Compared to me, she’ll think she married a genius!!!
Did You Know?
- Otters hold hands so they won’t drift away from each other while sleeping.
- Seahorses hold onto each other with their tails.
- Baby elephants suck on their trunks to pacify themselves as a baby does with it’s soother.
- Polar bears touch noses when one of them is making a request from another.
- Snow leopards use their thick tails as scarves during winter.
The 10 Most Valuable Compainies In The World
- Amazon…………….$683.85 Billion
- Apple………………….$612 B
- Google……………….$458 B
- Microsoft……………$410.27 B
- Tencent………………$240.93 B
- Facebook…………..$226.74 B
- Alibaba……………….$196.91 B
- VISA……………………$191.29 B
- McDonald’s……….$154.92 B
- Mastercard……….$112.88 B
The Last Word
Me in high school: Eats a dozen donuts at midnight … loses 3 pounds.
Me now: Goes up a pant size every time I swallow my spit