Midland Penetanguishene March 29, 20235 April 2023
Midland Penetanguishene April 12, 202319 April 2023
April 05, 2023
Man Lost His Cool While Typing
February 1 at 9:29pm
Renting out a house w/2 bedrooms 2 bath
- No Dogs or Animals
- No Students
- No Parties
- No young unmarried couples who are just going to fight & break-up then leave a mess
No NOTHING!! Matter of fact I don’t even want to rent it anymore. All y’all can go to “bleep”!!
Editors Quote Book
“Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it, not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.”
— Dave Willis
ACTUAL Classified Ads From Newspapers
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbour’s Dog
Mother is a Kennel Club-Registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, Able to Leap Tall Fences In a Single Bound
COW CALVES: NEVER BRED
Also, 1 Gay Bull for Sale
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must Sell Washer and Dryer
Boredom To Do List
- Buy 4 pigs
- Paint 1,2, 3 and 5 on their backs
- Release them in the mall
- Sit back and watch security search for #4
Famous Funny Comebacks
Reporter: “What do you think of Western Civilization?”
Mahatma Gandhi: “I think it would be a good idea.”
MP: “Mr. Churchill, must you fall asleep while I’m speaking?”
Winston Churchill: “No, it’s purely voluntary.”
George Bernard Shaw: “Have reserved 2 tickets for opening night. Come and bring a friend, if you have one.”
Winston Churchill: “Impossible to come first night. Will come second night, if you have one.”
Actress: “I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?”
Author Ilka Chase: “Darling, I’m so glad that you liked it. Who read it to you?”
Opera Audience Member: “What do you think of the singer’s execution?
Calvin Coolidge: “I’m all for it.”
(Click Question For Answer)
For Amusement Only
Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: Now is the time to pull up your socks and get down to business while Spring fever is in the air. Much can be accomplished now.
Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: There’s more than 1 way to get there. If you’re feeling frustrated, Taurean, consider another tact, or adjust your sails a bit.
Gemini May 21 – June 20: There’s no such thing as a bad day, Gemini, Some days are better than others, and everything is temporary. Keep this in mind in April.
Cancer June 21 – July 22: There’s no such thing as a short cut to realize something worthwhile. Here’s your chance. Do your due diligence and plan ahead.
Leo July 23 – Aug. 22: Around this time of year, Leo, you tend to get a little antsy and inspired. Strike while the sun is getting brighter. You ARE a Sun sign, after all!
Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22: Ever wonder how things turned out this way? We are the sum total of everything we’ve ever thought, said or done. Think about it.
Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 22: Before you put the time and effort into your plan, seek help from one who knows what the road ahead will look like, then stand on their shoulders!
Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Someone you haven’t heard from in a while will be top of mind. Make the first move to connect while you can.
Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: All you ever really want is a fighting chance, right Sagittarius? Well, here it comes! Don’t make light of it or let it slip by.
Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: Health matters dominate your thoughts. Seek info and help to put your mind at ease. Then, trust the experts, and yourself!
Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: Going for broke is not a safe bet. Put some more thought into your plan before implementing it. Go with what truly feels right.
Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: If this was the last week of your life, how would you, and with whom, would you like to spend it? Pretend it is the last and have fun!
Actual Car Insurance Claims
- “Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and hit a tree I don’t have.”
- “I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.”
- “The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I finally hit him.”
- “To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me, I struck a pedestrian.”
- “I told the police that I wasn’t injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.”
- “I was sure the old fellow would never have made it to the other side of the road when I struck him.”
- “The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.”
- “I saw a slow-moving, sad gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.”
- “The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy, in a small car, with a big mouth!”
- “The car in front hit the pedestrian, but he got up so I hit him again.”
- “I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”
- “I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”
- “A truck backed into me and into my wife’s face.”
- “A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.””In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
Just 14 Wolves
In 1995, 14 wolves were released in Yellowstone National Park. No one expected the miracle that the wolves would bring. It started with the wolves hunting deer. This led to a rapidly decreasing deer population. Thanks to the deer’s absence, those parts started to regenerate. Forests of Aspen and Willow started to flourish. That’s when things really started to happen. With the trees and bushes came more berries and bugs. Then various bird species started moving in. With the increasing tree population, the beaver returned, and the dams they built provided habitats for otters, muskrats and reptiles.. The wolves also killed coyotes. As a result. the numbers of rabbits and mice grew, which meant more hawks and eagles, red foxes, badgers and weasels in the park. Even the numbers of Bald Eagles and Ravens rose. The wolves changed the behaviour of the rivers. With more balance between predator and prey came the possibility for other species to thrive. There was less erosion because of increased vegetation and the riverbanks were stabilized, the channels narrowed, more pools formed and the rivers stayed more fixed in their course. So the wolves not only transformed the great ecosystem of Yellowstone, they also changed the park’s physical geography … Just 14 wolves!
The Last Word
“A pretty face gets old, a nice body will change, but a good woman will always be a good woman.”
– Richelle E. Goodrich